and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
