So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
