My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
