so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
