Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
