So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
