theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
