Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
