so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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