tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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