you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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