im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
