idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
