So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
