I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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