My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
