I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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