he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
