SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
