the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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