I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
