I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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