took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Damn victory sex feels great
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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