in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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