You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
