I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
