69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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