my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
