Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
