I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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