Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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