I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
