I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
