somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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