You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
