i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
