I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize