I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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