Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
