I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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