we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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