we're blogging at a bar
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
