Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
