She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
