i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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