i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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