My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
