Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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