wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
