All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
