Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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