She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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