I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
