Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
