where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
