Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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