Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
