I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
