i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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