I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
