well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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