you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
