; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
