And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize