Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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