so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
