I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
