**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm passing your future prison.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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