I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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