I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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