The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
