someone owes me an orgasm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
