i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
