I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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