He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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