Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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