he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
