she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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