And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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