Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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